


The Shape of My Ferret

by CharlieQuinn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, NSYNC
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-29 13:47:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/687664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlieQuinn/pseuds/CharlieQuinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lance Bass has a pet ferret called Dirk. This is true. Now, just where did he get that ferret?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Shape of My Ferret

Draco was furious. No, he was beyond furious. This was a whole new level of rage.

He *hated* Potter. He thought he’d hated Potter before, and just kind of pitied Weasley in a ‘you’re so poor, and I can laugh about it’ way, but now he realised that wasn’t so.

He *really* hated Potter. If he’d had arms, or even better, opposable thumbs, he’d be ripping Potter a new one, right now. He pictured it in his head. It made him feel marginally better.

Then Weasley shook his box, and Draco was back to seething. He *hated* Weasley. *Hated* him. Just not as much as he hated Potter.

Draco could hear stupid Potter and the loathed Weasley giggling back and forth. He strained to hear through the cardboard walls.

“Has he calmed down yet?” Potter was asking.

“I dunno,” said Weasley doubtfully. “He seems to have.”

“Well, shake the box,” suggested Potter. “That ought to get him all riled up again.”

Then the box *was* shaking, and Draco decided he was going to leap put and bite Potter’s nose as soon as he opened the box.

He *hated* being a ferret. Draco thought that after he bit Potter, and then bit Weasley, he’d go back to Hogwarts, find out who taught Potter the damn spell in the first place, and then bite them. Then bite Dumbledore and The Granger Bitch as well. Just for the hell of it. Might as well make use of these sharp teeth while he had them, Draco thought, while simultaneously devoutly praying he would change back into Draco the Devastingly Handsome Seeker in the next few seconds. He figured if he *did* change back right then, well, he’d just bite Potter anyway.

“We’re here,” he heard Weasley say. Draco’s box was picked up again and he felt himself being carried, and this was not an altogether unpleasant experience. At bit like flying, really. A peaceful flight across the countryside on his broom…

Then the box was opened. Draco was so unprepared for this, so lulled by his flying box fantasy that he didn’t have time to leap in fury and attach his teeth to the tip of Potter’s nose.

Instead he blinked in shock at the bright lights while Potter gently picked him up.

“Now, don’t bite me,” said Potter, grinning.

// God, I hate you, // thought Draco desperately.

Then Potter placed him carefully on the ground, looked down at him, then looked at Weasley before the two of them broke into hysterical laughter. 

“We’ll be back tomorrow,” Potter told him, pressing his face up against the glass cage Draco suddenly realised he was in.

Draco glared at him. Glared as well as a ferret could. Draco hoped that Potter was getting the message.

Weasley nudged Potter. “What if someone buys him in the meantime?” he said.

Potter laughed. “Who’d want to buy a ferret as ugly as Malfoy?” he said, and then he grabbed Weasley by his arm and they walked away, giggling.

Draco looked around at his surroundings.

// Oh, for Merlin’s sake, // he thought. // I’m in a sodding pet shop! //

 

“Oh, LOOK!”

Draco opened one ferrety eye. He’d been having a nap, and for one blissful second as he’d been waking up, he’d thought this was all a terrible dream. But no. He was still a ferret. And he was still stuck in a pe shop. He still wanted to nail Potter’s tongue to a board.

He looked up, and… ugh.

There was a…*Muggle* pressed up against the glass, *looking* at him, face all distorted.

“Chris! Come and look! It’s SO adorable!” it was shouting.

Draco looked at the Muggle, and realised it had woken him up. Draco resolved to bite him as soon as humanly possible, just as soon as he could get out of the blasted cage.

Another face joined the Muggle at the glass. Draco decided that this new one was even uglier than the first one.

“What?” said the new Muggle, whose name Draco assumed was Chris.

“Look at that ferret! The pale one. Isn’t it just so cute?” The Muggle pointed roughly in Draco’s direction and made horrid cooing noises.

“Lance, it’s a ferret,” said Chris flatly. “Ferrets are ugly.”

Draco bristled. He decided to bite both of them.

Lance made a sad face. “I want that one, right there.”

Draco really, really, really hoped that he wasn’t being pointed at.

“What the hell are you gonna do with a ferret?” Chris asked. “You know JC’s allergic.”

“He’ll be my pet!” Lance said, clapping his hands. “You can have your dog and I can’t have a ferret?”

// Oh, this just gets better and better, // thought Draco, and rolled his eyes in the best way he could. Lance stood up and walked off, while Chris made a face at Draco.

“Ug-leee,” Chris muttered.

// You’re not exactly an oil painting, yourself! // Draco projected, offended, but was cut off as the top of the cage was opened and he was lifted in the air, and placed in the arms of the Lance creature.

Lance held Draco up in front of his face. “Oh, he’s just adorable!” he gushed. “He’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen!”

Draco squirmed, and was torn between thinking that the Muggle must actually know true beauty when he saw it, and thinking that if the muggle was so insistent on his ferrety good looks there might be something a bit wrong with him. The Muggle’s grip on him was surprisingly firm.

“Oh, I’ll take him!” Lance exclaimed and cuddled Draco in his arms.

As Lance was paying the pet store owner, held Draco up in from of his face and eyed him critically. “What should I call you?” he muttered.

// Draco! // Draco thought desperately. // Draco! Draco! // He didn’t know much about psychic abilities, but he really hoped that he yelling mentally.

Lance’s brow marred, and then he smiled. “I know! I think Dirk is just about perfect for you!”

Draco thought that if was still human, he’d be crying from sheer frustration.

Then Lance started cuddling him again.

Draco looked up at the face of his new owner.

He sighed, ultimately defeated. Lance’s eyes would *have* to be green.

He really, really, really *hated* Potter.


End file.
